It's the light, they say, that has been attracting artists to St Ives since the late 19th century but all you'll get is a little light-headed, altitude sickness that is!
It's a long way down to town, you see, from the sloping car park up by the leisure centre but do they really need those Pilates classes? Aren't they all fit enough already from the lug up?
Clicking through the pics, there's a reminder of how similar[1] to Padstow this place is and two months on, they're still getting mixed up in the minds but... OH NO!
Some of the evidence has gone and been accidentally deleted[2] so how to remember what was where and where was what? Easy...
Parked up on high? Must be St Ives.
Parked fairly low? Must be Padstow.
[1] Narrow lanes and a harbour? See also just about every other place of interest on the coast in Cornwall.
[2] AARGH! Which one of CTRL^X CTRL^C CTRL^Z is it again?
For no other reason than the fantastic bit of artwork on their wall. Despite the town's artsy reputation, you'll generally have to pay for it and this is a rare, free example.
As for the launderette? It's not known if they do duvets.
They're not wrong about that light, mind. A gloomy morning down south in and around Newlyn has just been had but back up here, mid-afternoon, it's more like the Mediterranean.
St Ives' harbour is a lot smarter than Padstow's, by the way, and considerably smarter than the last time Google™ Street View was here.
The lifeboat station is right on it unlike at Padstow where theirs is about four miles west at somewhere called Trevose Head...
Men who save lives, live in St Ives.
In Padstow to drown, head out of town.
'St Ives most romantic restaurant', they say, on, get this, Fish Street!
If seafood isn't your thing, that's not the sole reason to be here. There are plenty of different kinds of fillet on their beefed-up menu.
Several, fairly well-known artists have settled here over the years so that explains the Tate gallery and the Barbara Hepworth museum, also run by the Tate.
No time for those today, there's some narrow lanes that need a right good looking down and can be confirmed as home to a higher-than-average number of galleries amongst the pasty and knick-knack providers.
Fans of the dynamic art form are catered for with a theatre and a cinema.
St Ives theatre is home to Kidz R Us, a youthful troupe who have performed at the London Palladium, no less, and aren't nearly as Legz Akimbo as first imagined.
Padstow's Kernow Players' productions aren't quite as prolific but, while they also perform in an old chapel, their stage is significantly smaller...
They're dancing with stars in their eyes at St Ives.
Up in Padstow, it's more Allo Allo.
Pick of the pasty providers here, probably. They're reassuringly traditional with just the Stilton bordering on the blasphemous. They do a fair bit of business by mail order where they'll happily pop your pasty in the post.
Art Deco building with three screens all run by the small, Merlin Cinema chain who look to be trying to monopolise the niche, Cornish coastal towns, movie market.
There isn't one in Padstow and it's not known if The Unbearable Lightness of Being (in St Ives) was showing today.
Of course there's a walk here to be done as well as with Padstow. Head north past Porthgwidden Beach to a bit of an outcrop known locally as 'The Island'.
Nice to see an old friend, the South West Coast Path, and highlights include a chapel with fishing-themed floor tiles, apparently, and an old, Coastguard lookout station.
The station is voluntarily run to remind you of the time when binoculars were favoured over radar and itself replaced a mid 19th-century gun battery that was built to deter Napoleon's nephew from invading, they say...
St Ives has a walk with a Coastguard and chapel.
In Padstow, a stroll by the broad River Camel.
If you're walking England's Longest National Trail anticlockwise from Minehead, you're about 230 miles in with just the 400-or-so to go to Dorset.
If you're coming from Dorset then well done but it's still about 230 miles to Minehead. Today marks the start of one of the toughest anticlockwise stretches and when you're not upping and downing the steep cliffs, it's not half boggy atop, they say.
With some of the photographic evidence deleted from disc, and some of it as blurry as the memories, there's just a handful of ropey rhymes to try and remember, which was St Ives and which was Padstow.
There is, however, one sure-fire way to remember... St Ives has a Wetherspoon™s in it!
The Spoons have a tradition of naming their pubs based on the history of the town or the old building they invariably inhabit. The inevitable offering in a town of this size is called the Hain Line, the name of a local shipping company whose former headquarters are now occupied.
There are no awards for their nearly-out-of-date ale but the Director of Contrived Waterhole Naming gets a (3/5) for keeping it nautical and for the grudgingly exceptional value they provide in these ongoing days of austerity, right kids?
Two dine for £9-99 in St Ives.
In Padstow, though, you'll be needing more dough.
£40+ for a turbot? That Stein's not stupid, eh?
You too will be blown away by this place but it's no secret to say that any secret has long since been leaked.
Central accommodation providers who pitch themselves in the 'luxury' and 'boutique' brackets can demand, when in season, £1,000+ a week for a one-bedroomed pad and this told by a posh couple up on 'The Island' who 'simply couldn't stay anywhere else'.
They visibly grimaced when Newquay was mentioned but without parking, the logistics of getting one's luggage to and from one's luxury lodgings from up near the Leisure Centre means this ain't no holiday.
It's more of a bootcamp!