'In this medieval walled city, the streets were a complete maze.' Not our words, the words of Top Gear™ Magazine or actually Top Gear™ the TV show, actually.
Remember the one where little Hammy couldn't remember where he'd parked the car? The one where Brian May accidentally took a wrong turn and found himself atop the city walls? The one where old Clarko had to take a never-ending succession of tight, right turns?
Yes, so it means the holiday here is based on the contrived comparison of three hot hatchbacks?
Hang on a minute? Is that a tower with some trees on it? It certainly is and they'll let you up and inside the Torre Guinigi for a few €euros.
Back in the late-14th century, disease, depravity and general delinquency down at street level meant that the safest place to be was 100ft in the air. Once home to some wealthy family or other, 250 similar towers were housed within these walls but now just nine remain.
You might not make it all the way to the top because of a combination of the crowds and the wobblies. Still, nice view of town and the hills to the north, it's thought, from more than halfway up.
 Yes, that'll be the old vertigo.
What about those walls then? Well, the foundations are reportedly Roman but what you can see is pure, 16th-century Renaissance. You're allowed on top and you can just about walk all of it avoiding any unexpected hatchbacks.
There's some, to-be-expected, Euro-grafitti on your way, which is irritating. Irritating because can't be gotten out of our heads now...
'Guarda le stelle... era tutto giallo.'
 C'mon kids! A bit of brighter paint next time would save on the Photoshop™ping.
The Passeggiata della Mura also acts as a spectacular sunset provider, later in the evening, on your way west...
'Guarda il sole... era tutto arancia.'
Early adopters of craft beer on the continent. Recommended, back then, by Guardian™-writing types and they're still going strong, 8% strong some of them, hic!
English accents aren't prominent here but the couple on the next table sounded well-heeled and well on their way to being well-oiled. They haven't been seduced as much as this pair and thought Lucca 'OK' but ' Bagni di Lucca is beautiful and gives you much more of a feel for the region', or slurry words to that effect.
Seems that Bagni di Lucca refers not just to the village of that name but to all 20-odd villages that run east along the River Lima about 12 miles north of Lucca.
Where they were describing wasn't Bagni di Lucca itself, which didn't offer up much more than a small park with a fountain in it and, quite frankly, a disappointing sandwich.
The haven's heyday as a spa resort may have gone but the springs that named this toon still bubble up in the hills and the luxury resort nearby is where the millionaires must have meant, probably.
'Your starter for ten, no conferring, which Italian composer...' BZZZZ!
' Guffer, Newcastle Poly.'
'No it's Puccini.'
Giacomo Antonio Domenico Michele Secondo Maria was a local, Lucca lad, born of a notable, musical family in 1858 and celebrated in bronze in a small Piazza. He lived here until his early 30s by which time his tunes had started to take off and were playing in the big rooms.
 Buzz in early because it's always one of them two. Unless it's Donizetti or Monteverdi or Rossini. Or Vivaldi.
Meanwhile, back in Lucca, it's like being in a 16th-century, 3D version of ™ with an architectural reveal at every turn. The Chiesa di San Michele in Foro is Lucca's most prominent feature, probably, and dates to the 11th century although the interior designers went all Gothic on it in the 15th.
All of this within the medieval walls, remember, and this could go on and on but just how do you describe a Renaissance theme park?
Hang on a minute, there's a bloke here wanting directions... 'Sorry shorty, no, haven't seen a parked-up, white Fiat.'
Here's another one in a car... 'Turn right at the end here, take the next right then it's right again.' It's not known who the curly-haired grouch was but he's going to be very uncomfortable driving round in denim in this weather!
Open-plan lodgings in a modern apartment block with a balcony and a small swimming pool. The surrounding streets are pleasantly residential and it's a short hop to the ancient, walled interior.