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May 2017

East Lothian Coat of Arms

All about the golf is Gullane, not that this pair know much about foursomes. It's not meant that kind of swinging but the denial suggests otherwise? Deary me, all that's being said is that we know nothing of that, golf or Game of Thrones for that matter so stop asking if we've seen it.

It's a long drive and a fair way in along Main Street, which looks to be largely residential. These businesses are servicing the needs of the locals over any tourists unless you want them to make the cut at the hairdressers.

There are at least two activity parks in the area although they're back down near Dunbar. Of course, while dad's on the links, that's where mum and the kids will be? It's either that or Gullane's beach, which can be an attraction in summer at least for the three days that qualify round here.

Careful now with the seagulls that this place definitely isn't named after, they might swoop down to nick a chip and run off with it.

All of this is within driving range of North Berwick whose last-minute hotel didn't do breakfast so something suitable is hoped for here. By something suitable, how about... a Viennese-style coffee house? Obviously!

 Falko Burkert is a Stuttgart born and qualified Konditormeister or a master pastry chef if you'd rather. A bit more of his backstory should be given but the German-looking gentleman simply looked to be too busy.

He opened up in his adopted city in the noughties to satisfy the demands of Edinburgh's German community although that sounds a bit Nietzsche. He's here as well now banging out the brioche, pretzels, an array of unpronounceable, home-made cakes and full Scottish fry ups[1] although no fresh Orangensaft today[2].

Not fancying any of those? Don't worry, there is an additional option for that wurst-case scenario.

[1] Where the pudding's not black but strictly fruity.
[2] Nor any other day neither. Seems you'll have to head down to Haddington for the Himbeersahnetorte where at least you now know what to expect.

You'll likely have driven in on the '  Golf Coast Road' or the A198 if you'd rather. That's East Lothian Council's attempt to advertise this area as a golfing destination, like it needs it.

Twenty-two 'top-class' courses in this tract north of the  A1 and four alone in Gullane suggest the secret's already out? The village green even gradually becomes Gullane Golf Club's children's course where an ankle biter's slice sounds like something Falko might have on the menu, if he hadn't closed.

 Muirfield is just on the outskirts of town and this internationally known, championship-hosting club went all 20th century in the early 21st century. Why's that? They only went and let the little ladies in as members.

The original vote was 60:40 against but this prompted UK golf's governing body, the  Royal and Ancient, to take their balls away and no longer allow Muirfield to host the  British Open every 10 years or so.

Bad for business, they began again with the ballot box only this time, the balls were restored. Strange that, even though 20% still opposed the proposal.

  Chez Roux (Greywalls Hotel)

On the edge of Muirfield, there's fine dining in a fancy hotel called Greywalls but aren't all buildings in Scotland? Roux as in  Albert Roux, no less, but aren't there already another five Chez Rouxs in Scotland?

That would seem to be so, so it's likely that Albert is here about as often as Muirfield hosts The Open.

That might go some way to explaining the attitude of one of the members of  Gullane Golf Club... 'Alright pal, just turning around here because your town looks to have more to offer but it's just ran out. Yes, it can be seen you can't get out down the bottom there so that's why we're reversing.'

Hole in one? Nearly, this one's windscreen with a nine-iron! You can get your own back, though, by not allowing them to cross the main road to one of their three championship courses that they advertise on your way out.

You might have noticed that a few of these bogey photos have been borrowed from elsewhere. There's no point trying to give a fluffy lie, just like Falko, the camera was just all out of juice.

  The Old Clubhouse (East Links Road)

Pricey looking pub grub next to the kiddies golf course. 'Ankle biters slice' has already been done but another one simply can't be thought of.