west tun Old English west(ern) village + super mare Latin On, above the sea. Population - 76,143.
Wetherspoon™s - The Dragon Inn : 'A Book of Dragons' by local artist Alfred Leete who also did the 'Your Country Needs You' posters, no less (4/5).
The name might suggest the best of all the resorts and while it may not be quite all that, it's certainly up there, seaside-wise. This trip's been split by an 'overnighter' but with dusk already descending, the rest will be checked out, just after checking out, during tomorrow's daylight.
In that combined time, however, the pavements are found to be potentially paved with gold and there's a day trip that one day soon will possibly require a passport, probably.
There's a distinct lack of action on the pedestrian-friendly bit of Beach Road but there's something strangely appealing about places like this in what's nearly November.
The clocks may have gone back but so have the visitors meaning you've got the place to yourselves, nearly, but not so in summer when this will all be bustling, definitely.
There are still around three million day-trippers when in season, you see, although they tend not to stay overnight, they say.
That'll be just you, then, and the not-too-rowdy looking group of crown green bowlers who are here for some tournament or other. They were thought to be bowlers, clutching their ball-bags and greeting each other with 'Jack, Hi!'
Futuristic, French-bistro style dining in a flying saucer on the seafront. They'll soon have competition from a few other chains when the development of Weston's Dolphin Square is finally .
Dolphin, of course, one of the few things not on the menu here because even the French don't eat 'em.
Visitor numbers were boosted by that artful prankster ™ back in 2015 with a piece of pop-up work outdoors, . This subversive installation was described by Banksy™ himself as a 'sinister twist on Disneyland' but a 'lot of bad art by the seaside' by one Guardian™-writing type.
The once had the highest diving board in Britain and this one's dad has confessed to bottling it back in the 50s. Just as well, mum would just have called him a 'Daft b*gger!' Again.
Not because it's the 'Best Dang Burger Joint in the UK', recently amended to the 'Best Dang Smoke House in the South West', since neither can be commented on but because of the bare-faced ox-cheek of whoever came up with the name.
Oh! And there might be a Banksy™ on next door's wall.
Weston's famous sands are two miles long and when the tide's fully out, half that distance deep. That'll be the fault of the estuary that this is technically on and is when Weston-super-Mud opens for business.
The , even at 1200 foot long, then struggles to reach the shoreline and doesn't even make the UK's top 10, length-wise.
It suffered the inevitable fire, this one as recently as 2008, that put paid to any end-of-the-pier show.
That 60s-looking eyesore looks to be what should be the council offices? Not so, it's Weston College of Further and Higher Education and one of the top ones in the country, they say.
The college has expanded to take over a fair bit of town including the old School of Science and Art, which dates from 1892 but was derelict by 2012.
Heading north along Royal Parade towards the top of the bay gives a glimpse of Weston's, erm, budget accommodation providers and a font that's not been seen since the '50s.
A much bigger budget was required for the extensive restoration of this area of the seafront in 2011, £30million, no less! Since most of the work was actually to improve existing but flimsy flood defences, would cough for most of it.
With some spare change left over, a 25-foot-high drystone arch, obviously, was installed in the promenade wall and absolutely everybody will take exactly the same photograph from exactly the same spot.
Ideal for an 'aperitif' before your multiple-choice meze. Also ideal for a nightcap afterwards since everywhere else is empty or closed but remember, remember, it's nearly November!
A little further up, Knightstone Island used to be just that at high tide but they've since paved the way for access.
There's been swimming on here for 200 years, inside and out, and the concrete causeway has helped to create the imaginatively named Marine Lake, a safe haven for bathers that's topped up by the tide.
Just making it into the top there is the derelict Birnbeck Pier although the inevitable, taps nose, fire in 1897 wasn't what saw to it. No, storm damage this one, most recently in 2015 and they've done little with it since and by little, it's meant absolutely nothing.
Shame that as it's the in the UK to link to an actual island and its last act of usefulness was to act as inspiration for Banksy™'s Dismaland, possibly.
Speaking of islands, there's an hour-long boat trip to be done in summer to , somewhere out in the Bristol Channel. Passports at the ready, it's the southernmost point in Wales and actually belongs to Cardiff.
It's also a Site of Special Scientific Interest and, as should be known by now, they don't hand them awards out willy-nilly.
Backtracking back to the arch, there's a complete change of scenery by cutting through a car park up to Royal Crescent.
It's a version of the bigger and more famous one in Bath and, funnily enough, that's where the lanky, alimony-paying now lives.
Bath, that is, but JC is Weston's best-known son if you discount convicted perjurer Jeffrey Archer who definitely just has been.
Inexplicably missing a short cut through Grove Park, Lower Church Street leads back to the college then into, what's presumed to be, the heart of the old town.
It's largely architecturally intact and there's an attempt to promote the independent shops on and around Orchard Street and Meadow Street as a Brighton-like 'lanes' shopping experience. Let's just say that, just like the Dolphin Square development and their , it's still a work in progress.
Returning to the front, the Italian Gardens is a fine open space but, sorry Weston, the modern shopping area could just about be anywhere. There is, however, a glimpse of something equally modern along Regent Street.
Speaking earlier of John Cleese and awkward, towering objects of fun, Silica is a piece of public art that's come to be known locally as the 'carrot'. Its intention wasn't to garner giggles but to provide shelter while you're waiting for a bus.
What with Dismaland, that drystone arch and now this, I don't know, you wait ages for one piece of 21st-century public artwork and then three come along together!
Well, give or take six years.